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[ Open rp post + TFLN overflown]
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[ He wasn't there to see how the post-mission or Ben's funeral went but knowing their father, he probably offered no comfort. Reginald was allergic to anything resembling positive emotions or compassion. What Five read about it on Vanya's book gave him some insight but it couldn't compare to the real thing.
He gives a noncommittal sound as a reply to that 'other things', acknowledging and silently agreeing to not elaborate. They're giving it a try, talking more to their siblings, going with them to crowded places...it's not fully comfortable or easy and Five isn't sure if it will ever be, but at least they're trying. His head tilts against the other, enjoying the soothing touch. This isn't entirely terrible. Quite nice, actually, even if the comfort comes from himself. This time he's really smiling and it's noticeable in his tone of voice. ]
No, that will be impossible. Knowing Diego, maybe he also has another hard case of Hero worship because 'It's Captain Fucking America, guys'. [ Five made an attempt of imitating Diego's way of speaking for that last line and he didn't sound all that far off.
It will probably good in the long run if the rest of the family knows, lest something happens. Steve might not be dangerous to Rey in the 'an assassin is after me' way but there still could be a heartbreak. And now that they are thinking about the family, Five has some more thoughts to share. ]
They've all grown so much and none at all. Their power are stronger too but like our own, I don't' think they can control them fully. We should help each other to figure them out. Maybe that way the idiots will stop getting killed.
[ The last part makes his voice breaks a little because Five has seen them die one too many times and it's taking a toll on him. He presses himself against his 'twin''s side, sighing. ]
D= I swear you are trying to break me with feels here!
God yes, I'm tired of seeing the damn thing every time we walk into that room. Though Ben's statue might be a little harder to get rid of without everyone hearing us.
[ There's a part of him that thinks maybe they should ask Ben if he wants to help get rid of it. It can't exactly be a great reminder of everything he went through after all. All the morbid reminders that still haunted the Hargreeves home really needed to go. Especially if they were all going to move on with their lives and try and actually be a family again.
As his other self, continue leaning into him, Five lets his eyes close for a moment. It's a rarity to let himself relax even a little, especially without the aid of alcohol. However being with his other self is more soothing than he could have thought it would be. While they both have been trying more with their siblings, especially their sisters. But it is still hard not to hold back with them. However he finds himself chuckling again when the other does an almost spot on impersonation of Diego.]
Okay that is a little too easy to picture. Given his obsession with saving JFK, I can't imagine that he doesn't have a man crush on Captain America.
[ Though as his counterpart continues, his mood slowly sobers again as he can sense where this line of thought is going already. His breath involuntarily shudders and his eyes widen at the memory he had been avoiding, the one of their siblings dying their third death in that barn in Dallas. As he feels the other press against his side, he suddenly wraps his arm around his other self and embraces him. ]
I can't keep watching them die either.
[ He whispers, his own voice on the verge of breaking. That last time had been far too close, they had only just barely enough life in them to save everyone. They really couldn't afford any more close calls like that again. ]
N..no, what gave you that idea? >_>
There's no need to be sneaky about it, the others must hate the statue even more than we do.
[ And since they managed to bring back Ben, there are even fewer reasons to keep that bloody thing around. In fact, getting rid of it could be cathartic for all the family, they will have to bring it up to them once they get back.
It's dark in the library now that it's closed and the sun outside it's gone. Usually, darkness isn't something that will help Five rest but he's feeling the sleepless nights catching up on him and tiredness makes it easy to stay still. He doesn't comment on the other closing his eyes, it's hard to keep his own open even as they talk. ]
Now Rey will have another extra worry. To make sure Diego doesn't try to steal her new boyfriend.
[ It would be funny to see their interactions, though. Five cant' wait for the rest of their siblings to know what is going on with Rey's boyfriend. But even if the man is Captain America, if things go well between him and Rey that means they will, by extension, feel obliged to also look after the captain. Because, of course, what their family needs it's a super-soldier man that also gets in trouble more often than not. Thinking of it, it's no wonder Rey likes him, it fits right between the rest of their family.
He's started to get lost in thought, pondering how many added worries they will now have to deal with when the feeling of an arm around him takes Five out of his head. He goes really still for a second before realizing what is happening and relaxing again, practically boneless. Oh.. ]
Me neither. [ After a pause, he returns the gesture, giving his other self's waist a squeeze. It's okay, they got this. They can keep it together. Right? They managed for decades. It shouldn't be too hard. Except it is and Five's free hand is shaking a little. ]We can't keep doing this. We should...maybe we should tell them, Make them understand.
don't mind me, just drowning in feelings over here!
[His is tired, they both are, so he can't fault his other self for taking his statement the other way. They are usually secretive about everything, so it makes sense to assume that was what he meant. Besides in their current position, they couldn't exactly look at each other's expressions to really read each other like they had done earlier in Rey's apartment. ]
Heh, well if Diego went gay for anyone, Captain America isn't a bad choice. Speaking of which, I really get the sense that he could see through the twins lie that Rey fed him.
[ He slightly grimaces because they barely understood what was going on and they were in the thick of it, trying to explain something like this to someone with absolutely no reference points was really going to make them sound insane. More so than they already did at times.
He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to well the burning sensation away, but really it isn't working. His grip on the other Five tightens, even as he remains silent for a long moment, not trusting his voice any longer. Finally he inhales shakily, trying to keep the tremble out of voice and failing. ]
Yeah, but getting them all to listen at the same time...it's such a struggle. [The Hargreeves are shit at listening as a group, but he knows he doesn't have it in him to tell them all individually what happened in that barn in Dallas. Every time he remembers how close they were to the actual end, he just feels sick to his stomach and wants to retreat further into himself. ]
If I have to see them die one more time, I'm going to really lose it.
[ He just knows, what little is left of their precious sanity is going to completely shatter beyond repair.]
Oh god, it's raining on my face too
[ It's a worry for later, is what Five's trying to say. One that they can fix without hurry, without drawing a weapon, without spilling blood. A worry that can wait, and those are far too few. Rey's new boyfriend, now that they can be more or less sure that it won't turn out to be a psychopath, is also not something to worry about so much. ]
I'd have doubted his common sense if he didn't suspect that something is amiss. We can talk to him one day, in private without Rey, and clear things up with him. I have the feeling he will understand the oddities of time travel.
[ Like them, Steve was a man out of time, finding his place in a strange world. If anybody has the heart to find their situation sympathetic, that's Captain America. And yes, they would sound insane but they're the Umbrella Academy, 'insane' had been part of their shtick since it's creation and Rey mentioned that Steve had heard of them already.
Five is quiet for a few moments after that, feeling the tension around them, no doubt caused by their own admission that things aren't as well as they pretend. They had never been, not since they were thirteen, and probably not even before that. It's easier to admit when it's just the two of them. When the insistent voice of his father int eh back of their mind saying that emotions are a weakness is drowned by the comfort of having someone who fully understands what they had gone through.
It's the shaky inhale that prompts Five to turn his body and hug his other self properly. His own eyes feel watery at the corners ad he doesn't know what to say about his other self's last words because he's on the same boat. They reached their breaking point and then moved past it, ignoring the cracks and now it feels like one more hit will be enough to make them crumble. ]
the assault of feelings continues....
I suppose his case is as close as it can get to ours. Though he was frozen for 67 years, rather than trapped in an apocalyptic wasteland in the future.
[ He points out, but he does agree that if anyone could understand or even empathize with their situation, it is likely Steve Rogers. Though it honestly would be a nice change of pace to have someone understand rather than just automatically question their sanity which has been the case so many times before.
As they sit in silence and he struggles to keep the cracks from turning into chasms over the memories of seeing their siblings die over and over and over again on them. The harder he fights to keep his tears at bay, the more his eyes sting and burn. Though once his other self turns toward him to fully embrace him, he can't help but lose what is left of his resolve.
The remainder of his facade breaking away as he chokes out a sob and buries his face against the other's shoulder. He just can't hold it in any longer as he wraps both his arms around his counterpart and hugs him tightly, practically clinging. 58 years old and deep, deep down, he still feels like that lost thirteen year old boy.]
eVeRyThInG iS fInE...sob
[ Five's curious, it's in his nature, so he wants to know the details. The world is lucky that Steve Rogers is on the side of the Angels because if the Commission grabbed hold of him or he just decided that Humanity wasn't worth it, they would all be screwed.
It's another thought that makes something cold and unpleasant settle in his stomach. The reminder that, as it happened to them, making someone cause harm only takes a hard push in the wrong direction. And then people keep dying no matter how hard you try to amke things right. The shaking of Five's hand has spread to the rest of his body but he holds onto his other self's tight when he heard the sobs. He's not doing any better, only managing to be slightly quieter in his crying but feeling cold all over as tears run down his all too warm cheeks. When was the last time they let it all out since they first time traveled? Did they ever do that? Maybe this is a breakdown
He doesn't know for how long they cling to each other, the shadows around them get darker as they hug, but at some point, Five starts to draw small, comforting circles on the other's back. He remembers vaguely that Grace used to do that when they were very little and got sick, and while it might not take the pain away, it did help. After one last shaky breath, Five pulls away slightly to give his twin a tired smile, his fringe a mess. God, they really needed that. ]
Better...?
clearly they need more hugs!
[ He only really knows this much because he had read some of the articles in the morning papers that were gushing about Steve Rogers and he had a mind to read a little further after just for the sake of curiosity. He hadn't expected that he would run into the man himself, let alone find out he was the one his sister was seeing.
Really it had been a long time coming. There was only so long a person could bury their emotions before they finally found a way to surface again. It just took seeing their family die two more times in the span of a few weeks to open this particular floodgate. So in spite of himself, the tears don't seem to want to stop.
It really isn't lost on him that he is essentially being comforted by himself, but maybe this is what they both needed? Because they certainly wouldn't let themselves be this raw with any of their siblings if they could help it. Slowly as he feels the sobs beginning to subside, he also feels his twin lightly rubbing his back. It strikes him again just how starved they really are for touch, but again it is hard to let others close enough.
As the other pulls back, he lets his own grip slack, so that they can see each other. He looks just as much of a mess as his twin, but he manages a watery smile and small nod at his question.]
Yeah...
[ Instinctively he sits back a little more to wipe at his face with the sleeve of his jacket. He's still exhausted, more so now, but he really did just need the release and from the looks of it, so did his counterpart. His voice is still shaky when he speaks again.]
Should we...head back to the house?
From the rest of their siblings too, yup
For the longest time, all Five had had was himself. There was Dolores, of course, but she wasn't exactly fitted to provide comforting hugs. So he accepts pretty quickly that yes, he's being comforted by himself and yes, it should be weirder than it feels. And NO, he doesn't even care at this point. No one else is around to see, and if they were, he will tell them to fuck off anyway.
His smile turns a little bit more genuine after the other Five replies and shifts his posture. They still stay close to one another and Five isn't inclined to move. He had forgotten how tiring crying really is, how it leaves you at peace but completely unable to do much more than wish for a flat surface to lie on. The floor of the Library isn't a good choice for that. ]
That would be a good idea. I think...I think we're tired enough to sleep. [ It doesn't mean they have to move immediately. They really look like a mess now and Five waits until their breathing is less labored and their cheeks dry to offers his arm for the jump back home. Exhausted as they are, it's safer if they move together. ] Ready?
the siblings got to find them first!
He had no clue, if this would mean that it be a little easier to approach their siblings later. It seemed like it would probably go better for them, having the additional support of themselves to finally tell their siblings what happened in that barn in Dallas. Or maybe it would lead to yet another breakdown on their part, especially if their siblings didn't listen to them.
He found himself slightly huffing at his twin's reply.] Heh, I probably couldn't stay awake even if I wanted too.
[ He candidly admits, only because he is talking to his counterpart. The exhaustion he feels, runs down to his bones. If the library floor were more comfortable, he would likely already be passed out. He's content to sit a bit longer as they slowly compose themselves, this is probably the most emotional either has allowed themselves to be in ages. So it has felt extra draining in a way, but not necessarily a bad way.
At the other's question he simply nods as he moves to grip his arm, innately aware of what he wishes them to do. Using the last of their energy together for a jump back to the house makes perfect sense as individually they would either botch the jump and not be able to do it all.
Once they blink back to the house landing themselves in the living room of all places, Five moves to drop himself down on the couch, because there is no way he making it to the room just yet. The other night after he got back from Rey's he had stayed up most of the night in the library, unsure of what they should do about the room situation.]
What do you want to do about the room? If you want to keep it, I can take one of the guest rooms.
[Yeah they could share the room, but maybe it would be less confusing for the others, if they tried having two different places in the house? ]
I'm sure something can be arranged
Yeah, it's been a day...[ What else can be said, really? They can talk to each other, that's more than they had for decades, and it's really been a long day. By the time they teleport home, Five can't even be bothered that it's the living room. He's just happy they had enough power between the two of them to make it to the Academy safely. He drags his sorry ass to the touch too, shoulder once again brushing his other self. His answer is a halfhearted shrug but his voice is honest. ]
It's your room as much as mine. [ And like them, the room seems to be stuck in time. The walls are now covered in equations but aside from that, their old books, clothes, and the few toys they were allowed to have are still there. Five doubts it was due to Reginald displaying any kind of sentimentalism, it was probably Grace who keep it that way. Clean and ready, waiting for him to come back. it's another reminder of what they lost and he hates it a little. Five also wonder if this is how Steve must feel when he goes to see the Captain America Exhibit located in the Smithsonian. ]
Maybe we should find a new room. Or two, next to each other. [ There's a pause as Five contemplates how taxing it would be to do that now. ] Tomorrow.
[ Five stretches and yawns, covering his face with a hand because unlike some of his brothers, he still has manners. Said manners doesn't stop him from kicking off his shoes and bringing his legs up on the couch as he rests his head against his twin's shoulder. ]
Oh my heart, these two are too precious right now <3
I know, but clearly you've been in this timeline longer than I have, old man. So I was giving my elder the choice.
[ While his tone remains tired, there's warmth in it, making it clear that he is joking. Even as he lightly nudges his shoulder against his twin's shoulder. Maybe it is the sleep deprivation, but he feels a sudden burst of warmth in his chest at his counterpart's suggestion of finding a new room or two rooms next to each other. They spent so much time in survival mode, being wary of everything around them, that trust didn't come easy to them anymore. It makes him fully realize that the show of trust that has happened between them is a rare commodity. He actually feels touched that his twin is considering his feelings, despite them being technically the same person.]
Mm, that's not a bad idea. [ He replies in a soft voice, a definite sleepiness to his tone. But he sounds content and that's what counts. He lets his head lean back against the couch cushions as his eyes close again. He feels Five stretch beside him, while yawning and lightly chuckles as he realizes they probably aren't going to a bed any time soon. He slightly startles at the sound of Five's shoes clattering against the floor, but his expression quickly softens as his twin lies his head against his shoulder. Lightly he rests his cheek atop his twin's hair, letting his eyes close again. He's far too tired to give a damn about his own shoes or even trying to readjust his position on the couch. It's fine. He's slept in worse positions, but at least this time, he's not alone.]
Goodnight, Five.
Babies ;W; ...old babies but still
We're just as relevant. But I might pull the elder card on the others. Not like that ever gotten them to listen or behave.
[ Maybe because the One Time Five tried to argue the point saying he was the oldest one ever, he was in the middle of a mental breakdown, screaming at Luther at the top of his lungs in a crowded street in Dallas. That might have affected the results of his strategy. The devil really is in the little details, uh?
Age issues aside, he truly believes that the other Five has the same right to be here as he does, that they're both entitled to the room and by extension the whole house. Finding suitable rooms for each other that are still close -maybe two with a connecting door?- will both give her privacy if they needed and the knowledge that the other was only a few steps away if they needed to see each other.
The comfortable tone of voice of the other boy confirms to Five that they think the same way about each other. It's good to have someone to rely on and talk with, even if it's a time-displaced version of yourself. Five hadn't trusted him the first time it happened but it's amazing how fast things can change. ]
We can...ah, look for the right ones tomorrow. [ There was another, small yawn, and then Five smiles when he feels his other self rest his cheek on the top of his hair. It's nice and warm and quiet. The closest thing to perfect they're experienced in a while. ] G'night, Five.